Zen and the Art of Procrastination

Or, Is Anyone Still Even Writing This, Much Less Reading It?

Holy hell, my poor Slog is on life support. I’ve just been too drained of purpose and direction and energy to update of late, I guess. Damn this ADHD, for getting me to make promises I can’t keep!

Here is the running tally of things I have utterly failed to blog about:

• My facial hair Odyssey
• My exciting trip to the Bristol Renaissance Faire^® in Wisconsin and the extension of my streak of personal intoxication
• The utterly ridiculous nutpunch end to the baseball season
• My career and education goals update
• My attempt to replace baseball with hockey in order to ensure the winter months are just as depressing for me as the MLB Postseason
• My return to Appetite Theatre, this time sans beard
• My near complete conversion from apathetic Taoist Atheist to apathetic Rinzai Zen Atheist with Taoist leanings
• My conviction that, though not undoable, Sarah Palin isn’t altogether that hot
• The new ongoing series: Comics Ideas That Never Were
• Will Wolter ever buy the Clash Shea Stadium live CD, or is it too much of a cash-in?
• The Dark Underbelly of the Eighties, Part 1, Section C (Subsection ii) – will it be out before Chinese Democracy?

I suppose I should work on making that list more manageable, in an attempt to get caught up and provide anyone who still bothers to check what passes for a blog in my neck of the woods. So, I will provide a status report/brief entry:

My Facial Hair Odyssey
On the way. Honest.

My Exciting Trip To the Bristol Renaissance Faire^® In Wisconsin
…and the extension of my streak of personal intoxication
Also pending.

The Utterly Ridiculous Nutpunch End To the Baseball Season
I am still far too pissed and sad to formulate anything worthwhile from the experience. Again, this isn’t a baseball blog for a reason.

My Career and Education Goals Update
I am still trying to make this possible, but I am very seriously considering going back to school for an MFA in Biomedical Visualization.

Screw you…I’m not joking.

I’ll need a several undergraduate courses to catch up, as well as a decent GRE score, and probably some serious help with letters of recommendations and some form of financial assistance (if I can even get that – given my previous woes with student loans). But this actually seems like a very cool, and very fulfilling, career path for me, if I can actually jump through the hoops.

My Attempt to Replace Baseball With Hockey In Order To Ensure the Winter Months Are Just as Depressing For Me As the MLB Postseason
My adopted “home” team is now 0-3 – but I haven’t actually watched a game yet. Still, Chicago sports is nothing, if not consistent. Go Blackhawks! I think!

My Return to Appetite Theatre, This Time sans Beard
You can find the info here. I am in the first show of the evening. I will be playing the part of "Peanuts."

My Near Complete Conversion from Apathetic Taoist Atheist To Apathetic Rinzai Zen Atheist With Taoist Leanings
I also can kinda gloss over the Zen/Taoism stuff, as I am far too mystified and new to the processes and ideas to be an apt explicator – and I’m already driving Ali crazy enough. Anyway, my buddy Gene is a hell of a lot better at talking about the processes and he’s pretty much on the same path as I am right now. The most I can say is that it actually appears to be completely compatible with my Atheism and my love of the Tao, while giving me a sensible (or at least sensibly nonsensical) process to a state of understanding and living in the world that might just be what I need to keep from wanting to murder Ryan Dempster.

My Conviction That, Though Not Undoable, Sarah Palin Isn’t Altogether That Hot
Though not undoable, Sarah Palin isn’t altogether that hot.

The New Ongoing Series: Comics Ideas That Never Were
Soon, my dear Reader (can I call you Reader? ‘Cause I already did). Soon.

Will Wolter Ever Buy the Clash Shea Stadium Live CD, or Is It Too Much Of a Cash-In?
The answer to both parts of the question is: probably.

The Dark Underbelly of the Eighties, Part 1, Section C (Subsection ii) – Will It Be Out Before Chinese Democracy?
The answer to this question is: probably not.

So, my new to-do list is as follows:

• My facial hair Odyssey
• My exciting trip to the Bristol Renaissance Faire^® in Wisconsin and the extension of my streak of personal intoxication
• The utterly ridiculous nutpunch end to the baseball season
• My career and education goals update
• My attempt to replace baseball with hockey in order to ensure the winter months are just as depressing for me as the MLB Postseason
• My return to Appetite Theatre, this time sans beard
• My near complete conversion from apathetic Taoist Atheist to apathetic Rinzai Zen Atheist with Taoist leanings
• My conviction that, though not undoable, Sarah Palin isn’t altogether that hot
• The new ongoing series: Comics Ideas That Never Were
• Will Wolter ever buy the Clash Shea Stadium live CD, or is it too much of a cash-in?
• The Dark Underbelly of the Eighties, Part 1, Section C (Subsection ii) – will it be out before Chinese Democracy?

I hope that was helpful. See you in 3 months when I realize that I have not updated The Slog since this entry, and do this all over again!¹

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1. This is the longest Slog entry I’ve ever done without a footnote.²
2. Shit.

MySpace Archive: On Procrastination

In an attempt to beef up this blog's appearance before I actually tell anyone about its existence, and also to relive some of my wacky antics over on MySpace, I am archiving all of my old posts over here at The Slog.

This piece was meant to remind people that one day, in some way, I would actually finish that whole 80s series that had ones of readers clamoring for more. It's only been two months since I posted this one back there, and I have high hopes that maybe I will actually write about this in the next 1-3,476 days.

I suppose I could just knuckle down, do a quick image search on Google, and throw together some half-baked commentary on the Goonies, but to be honest, a casual rewatching of Goonies one Saturday afternoon last spring started this whole solipsistic odyssey. I have to do right by Mikey, Chunk, Sloth, Brand & Co. But not Mouth. Never Mouth.

This originally had numerous comments in parenthesis interspersed throughout. I have changed them to footnotes, as I cranked this puppy out in like 2 minutes a couple of months ago, with very minimal editing, and was too lazy to format it. I have rectified this.

The upshot of this is that now you have to do a shit-ton of scrolling just to find out I'm lazy.

There. I've given you no need to read this. See you after the post.

[Originally posted on Thursday, January 17, 2008]

Teaser trailer for my long delayed blog piece

Okay, teaser trailer is a misleading term. I'm not showing you highlights for my upcoming blogstrosity, The Dark Underbelly of the 80s, Part 3.¹

The real purpose² is to let all 3.14159etc of you that read³ this blog⁴ that I haven't forgotten this chilling expose of my psyche as reflected through 80s movies.⁵ Believe it⁶ or not,⁷ I am planning⁸ to actually finish this soon.⁹

This next one is going to be a tough one, since it will dredge up some repressed memories. Either about my shitty childhood or possibly about the Oakland Raiders.

Only time will tell.

As anyone who knows me would say, "That guy owes me 50 bucks!"

Wait. That's not what I meant. Let me start over.

As anyone who knows me would say, "Wolter puts off everything he does. EVERYTHING!" This composite person would then go on to mention that I owe him/her 50 bucks. Hopefully, he/she will then punch a wall in frustration, cause that would be so punk, man.

It's not that I don't like to accomplish things. Really it's not. I love the feeling of Getting Something Done. I just love the feeling of Doing Anything Other Than What I Should Be Doing a little more. Why write a paper when you could play Tetris for 3 hours? Why go grocery shopping when you could be reading a perfectly good biography of John C. Calhoun? Why do...oh, I don't know...your job...when you could write a blog about how you really should be doing your job. And then comment on it (how Meta).

Anyway, there are only two more posts left in the MySpace Blog Archive (Huzzah!). Technically one, as the last post is just a post telling people that there are posts from there over here. I probably won't move that over, as the Meta-quotient on that commentary would cause The-Slog to collapse into a Neutron Star.

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1. Or, as I have taken to calling it, Chinese Democracy II: The Crap-ening.
2. There is no real purpose.
3. Have read in the past.
4. Pathetic time waster.
5. Random crap I throw together at the last minute.
6. Don't.
7. Probably wise.
8. ...Am fooling myself.
9. ....By February 29th, 2012 [Dude, seriously. Am I obsessed with that year or what? It's mentioned in like 4 of my posts. I should start a "2012" label. Eh...maybe later]

I should probably admit at this point that all of those footnotes were put in largely to annoy the reader (you). The Slog: alienating practically non-existent readers since, well...now.

MySpace Archive: Interlude 3

(Or, Beer, Zombies, and a Paycheck)

In an attempt to beef up this blog's appearance before I actually tell anyone about its existence, and also to relive some of my wacky antics over on MySpace, I am archiving all of my old posts over here at The Slog.

This is technically the end of The Unemployment Saga, but much like Murphy Brown or The Drew Carey Show, there was a long winding down period that was WAAAY to anticlimactic for even my low standards. By this point, I had been getting semi-regular temp work, so I wasn't flipping out every day.

[Originally Posted on Monday, November 06, 2006]

Well, I'm gainfully employed again as of Friday

Hot diggity damn, it looks like I might actually have a chance to lead a normal life again. I start a temp-to-permanent job on Friday for a property management company [A job I still have]. The place looks nice[It's not], the job looks simple[It is], and I look to actually be making enough at it to start saving and stop living paycheck to paycheck [I probably do. Damn this profligacy].

I think this week I'm going to celebrate by not doing a damn thing until Thursday (I'll have a few errands to run by then) [I didn't]. Or, at the very least, drinking beer and watching zombie movies with my dog [I did]. Well, my dog won't be drinking beer. He's not housebroken enough for that [He still isn't]. But he's totally going to have to watch Dawn of the Dead with me (the real one with the SLOW zombies and the dude who gets sliced by the chopper blade) [A scene both awesome and hilarious. Tom Savini is the man]. And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually hang up all the pictures that I keep promising I'll get to when I get a chance [That "chance" occurred roughly two months later. Because I am lazy].

Nah.

Prescient about my laziness, I see.

Next time: the beginning of My Brush With Death. Plus, GOLDEN GIRLS HOUSE!

MySpace Archive: Interlude 2

(Or, Passive Aggression or Classic Rock?)

In an attempt to beef up this blog's appearance before I actually tell anyone about its existence, and also to relive some of my wacky antics over on MySpace, I am archiving all of my old posts over here at The Slog.

Man, that interlude was LONGER than I remembered. Days. Days when I wrote about nothing much at all.

I suspect, if I were the psychonalyzing type, that this was meant to let people know that whatever side they took on my then-nasty and still unhealed breakup was entirely their business, and I was done apologizing. But I'm not, so it was probably to talk up my love of London Calling.

[Originally posted on Saturday, November 04, 2006]

Well, life is actually pretty good

For once, I feel like I'm getting back in control. The temping seems to be working out pretty well (worked 4 days last week). I may be starting a 2-month assignment next week for 3.50 an hour more than the shitty job that I had before [Didn't happen, but something better DID]. So they can suck it [That pronoun might be a little unclear. I meant my previous employers. They still can]. Still no permanent job, but if I can hear back from the agency about this assignment, it takes the heat off through January, and I might actually be able to pay some people back AND save a little cash [That sort of happened. But I'm profligate with my money. And my Thesaurus].

I'm certainly not on my feet financially, but I'm actually pretty damn happy with my life. My dog is less of a monster [...grading on a curve, I guess], I'm less hypochondriacal (is that a word? Who cares?) about the weight loss [it isn't a word - and reading that gives me a chuckle, knowing what I know now], I'm caring less and less about the irrational hatred that my ex has for me (I broke her heart, but it really wasn't intentional - if she doesn't want to believe that, I can't change it) [I still feel bad about this, but as I said, I never meant to hurt anyone], and I'm beginning to remember that morbid depression isn't really my forte [pronounced "fort," by the way. You've probably been saying it wrong your whole life. Idiot]. I'll leave that to Cure fans and other people that should know better [Sez the guy who had just dressed up as Morrissey].

Me? I'm better at being mildly annoyed and bitchy about things without taking it so personally.

I think the main thing I need to do is listen to London Calling (not only the Greatest Album Ever Made, but also The Greatest Accomplishment Of the Entire Human Race - and if you disagree, you can go to hell) from front to back without interruption...

If I do that, I think I'll be completely, deliriously happy. Then I can move on to my next mission: deciding whether I ever want to date again. Currently, the answer is "not really, but I suppose I could have a meaningless sexual encounter with a stranger or passing acquaintance."

Well that last idea didn't really pan out.

It almost never does.

Looks like at least one more "Interlude" post before My Brush With Death. Sorry I'm boring.