So,
Ali and I were sitting at a gay bar in Boys Town a few Tuesdays back, drinking some fruity
1 blender drinks, while watching videos for some of the gayest
2 music ever made. That probably requires some backstory, but you're not going to get it, because The Slog always hits the ground running.
Most of the music was of the generic thumpa-thumpa-thumpa repetitivo crap, but mixed in were a few 80s songs that had, oh, I don't know...a rudimentary song structure. The best of the night was "She Blinded Me With Science," if that helps you get a notion of the range of quality I had to work with. I'm not quite the nostalgic 30-something that some are about the 80s. I know they have a
dark underbelly, best left unexamined.
3 But, man-oh-man, each blessed slice of pre-1986 music played was like an oasis between large stretches of single-word-named women with pitch-shifted voices warbling over a drum machine.
4One such song was the ever popular "Karma Chameleon," by Beauregard Quentin "Boy" George, Esq. When its familiar strains of relatively inoffensive pablum hit my ears, I was overjoyed that for at least 3 minutes I wouldn't have to see The Undead Corpse of Madonna kickboxing Justin Timberlake on a car. Or whatever the hell I had just witnessed. By this point I was in some sort of stupor that was only marginally caused by the booze slurpee I was nursing.
At this point Ali, who wasn't nearly as tanked as she would later get,
5 asked me: "So, what the hell is this actually about?"
Me: "The song?"
Ali: "The song. The video. Everything. It's kind of like
Showboat, but..."
I fumbled about for an answer. I spouted some junk about it being about Boy George singing about nothing because he was Boy George (or something like that - I forgot to bring my stenographer with me.
Again.)
But you deserve more than that, Alexandra. Not much more, but a little more. So here goes. My half-assed analysis of "Karma Chameleon."
To begin with, I will unfortunately have to gloss over the video aspect. Yes, the video is basically
Showboat mixed with
Roots mixed with "The Safety Dance" mixed with what appears to be Adam Ant's
6 Wedding Party. But that actually makes it one of the more cohesive videos of its time. So, I can't help you there, Alibear.
I also can't help you with any musical questions, as you well know I am tone deaf and essentially unable to learn the simplest information about composing. But this is Boy George we're talking about here, so I'm going to assume that no one reading this gives a wet fart about his song structure.
So we move to the lyrics. Now you're talking my language. English. More or less. So with only a little further ado, I give you:
The Annotated "Karma Chameleon"
The words of B. George are blockquoted in "Arial," the Official Blog Font of the New Romantic Movement.
Desert loving in your eyes all the way
Clearly, Mssr. le Georges' is having an encounter with a lover that withholds affection, analagous to the way a desert withholds adorable kit foxes from the rest of the world. Either that or the lyrics site I visited has a typo and the proper line is "
Dessert loving in your eyes all the way," which could mean that the song is an ode to what's left of Val Kilmer's career:
I suppose I should not throw stones, as that could well be me in a few years, if the McRib is ever put into full seasonal rotation.
7Moving on, let's look at the rest of the stanza, which really needs to be parsed out. Here it is in its entirity:
If I listen to your lies would you say
I'm a man without conviction
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go, you come and go
Ok. Now lets look at this line-by-line.
If I listen to your lies
We've hit our first genuine snag. One interpretation (the one I personally subscribe to) is that this desert-eyed rogue is an inveterate liar, and therefore
never to be trusted. Under this implication, it is clear that Boy has never really listened to his lover's words. Which makes the relationship a hollow lie, and reveals a truly dark and hideous worldview that would be better reflected if it came out of the mouth of
William Atherton, or some other bearded functionary. The other interpretation is that said lover is occasionally dishonest, as we all are.
8 However, to read this into the song is to say that somehow Chico Jorge
9 is subconciously aware of the lies, and filters it out. This is evident, because the second half of the line,
would you say
proves Steve
10 has no idea what this person says when lying. So I must ignore this interpretation as needlessly convoluted.
I'm a man without conviction
Steve's lover is saying that Steve is a man without conviction. However, as established in the the first line, Steve's lover is lying (either situationally or constantly, this holds true for both interpretations above). This is a clear case of Material Implication, which is as close to a logical truth as anything, as shown in the following syllogism (wherein A=Steve's desert-eyed lover [hereafter DEL] is making a statement, and B= The statement is a lie):
If A, then B
A
Therefore B
So Steve is making a claim that DEL is actually claiming Steve is a man of convictions. Clearly, Steve is an arrogant ass. Note I put the syllogism in Courier, the Official Blog Font of Logical Verities.
I'm a man who doesn't know
How to sell a contradiction
Again, DEL is a liar, so Steve is, in truth, a masterful salesman, who knows exactly how to sell a contradiction. However, in a very strange way of recursion, that means that Steve himself sells conflicting truths in the same manner as DEL. Which means nothing Steve says can be trusted. And it also means that you can trust Steve implicitly. Which means this song is either profoundly stupid or the pinnicle of Sincere Irony
TM.
11You come and go, you come and go
The first of Steve's contradictions for sale. Who knows who's coming and going at this point? Well, Steve does. But that aint for sale.
Now we hit the very crux of the dilemma:
Karma karma karma karma, karma chameleon
This is indeed fascinating, as it clearly combines High Medieval Christian numerology with Hindu mysticism
and herpetology.
Note that Karma is repeated five times. As anyone who read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight in High School knows, it's got a lot of alliteration and is really hard to read, so you might as well skip it and copy off the D&D nerd who actually read it. And as anyone who read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight in college, where they actually had to write a paper on it knows, five is a highly significant number, which represents (in the form of the Pentagle on Gawain's shield):
Fyrst he watz funden fautlez in his fyue wyttez,
And efte fayled neuer þe freke in his fyue fyngres,
And alle his afyaunce vpon folde watz in þe fyue woundez
Þat Cryst ka3t on þe croys, as þe crede tellez;
And quere-so-euer þys mon in melly watz stad,
His þro þo3t watz in þat, þur3 alle oþer þyngez,
Þat alle his forsnes he feng at þe fyue joyez
Þat þe hende heuen-quene had of hir chylde;12
Okay...um...that really didn't help my point. Let me provide a translation for those of us who don't speak the Midlands dialect of the 14th century (italics mine):
For first he was faultless in his five senses; and his five fingers never failed him; and all his trust upon earth was in the five wounds that Christ bare on the cross, as the Creed tells. And wherever this knight
found himself in stress of battle he deemed well that he drew his strength from the five joys which the Queen of Heaven had of her Child.13
Much better, right? Right? Note that there are four "fives" in the quote, much like the four "Karmas" before the comma separating them from the fifth in the lyric above, this is a nod to the notion that perfection of fives is only allowed for Christ.
Add this numerology to the concept of Karma, which I believe any of my readers should be familiar with, and you see that Steve is playing a deep game about the nature of inner gifts versus outer pride. And all of this will soon come back to haunt both Steve and DEL as Dame Fortune Spins her Wheel.
And really, who doesn't think chameleons are neat-o?
For the record, both of the preceding quotes were in Verdana, he Official Blog Font of Arthurian Source Material.
You come and go, you come and go
Oddly, this line is now redolent with the meaning missing from its first occurence. Fortuna lashes against Steve.
Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream
Per Wikipedia, the Official Source of All Truth and Knowledge In Our Current Dystopian Climate, red-green colorblindness is prevalent in roughly 7% of the male population. It's a somewhat safe bet to assume both Steve and DEL are male (This is Boy George we're talking about here), so it is not a large leap to assume that one or both of them suffer from some inability to percieve color
14 in the same fashion. It is also safe to assume that Steve and DEL both dream in color,
15 despite Old Wives Tales To the Contrary.
Red, gold and green; red, gold and green
Note two of the three colors are red and green, the most commonly confused hues in colorblind subjects. They are also the traditional colors of Christmas, a holiday originally founded on the notion of generousity and giving, but since given over to the Gods of Commodity Consumerism. The third color, gold, which is clearly equally discernable to both parties is so obviously symbolic that it is almost an insult to the reader's intelligence to note that this verse is clearly a counterpoint on the failure of modern consumer culture to meet the spiritual needs of the participant. Everything is indeed for sale, and Steve (like his spiritual predecessor, Willy Loman) is being crushed by Fortune's Wheel, as evidenced by the events that spiral out of his control.
Of course, the repetition of the phrase within the line is simply to make the song catchy.
There are alternate interpretations that suggest that the colors relate to the mercurial nature of the chameleon's own outer coloration or that "red, gold, and green" is a veiled reference to the Rastafarian religion. On the first point, after being so lyrically astute, would Boy George be so damn obvious in the chorus? I think not. And as for the second, no amount of pot smoking would make someone want to dress like this:
Oh Jesus (no pun intended)...there's more to this song? Another frickin' verse? And a bridge? Ok...
Moving on:
Didn't hear your wicked words every day
As mentioned before, Steve refuses to hear what DEL says, deciding long ago that all is lies.
And you used to be so sweet
DEL once worked for a renowned Belgian chocolateer. You can look this up.16
I heard you say
Ah, selling us contradictions again, eh Steve. I'm beginning to doubt that you're even named "Steve."
That my love was an addiction
This line is troubling. How can love itself, as a concept, be an addiction? Love can be addictive, in theory. And an addiction can be mistaken for love. But Love qua Love <> an Addiction. Even Homer nods, so we must assume this is an error on the songwriter's part.
When we cling our love is strong
Clearly Steve (or Boy George himself) is being either naïve or disingenuous. Love clings when it is at its weakest. A strong lover can relax, confident that the object of his or her affection returns this affection. Another strong signifier that Steve's reality is a dangerous and shifting thing.
When you go you're gone forever
The mix of a Christian afterlife and the notion of of Karmic retribution from the chorus are suddenly and violently belied by this sudden rejection of the spiritual. I suspect this isn't meant to be a simple statement of an Atheistic or Agnostic worldview, achieved through soul-searching and application of science and/or logic to empirical data, but rather an expression of the nihilism inherent in what Steve likes to pretend is his soul.
You string along, you string along
Petty bitching from the now very unlikable Steve.
At this point the chorus is reprised. The juxtoposition of new knowledge on Steve's character and personal ethos adds a harrowing note to the original message.
Then we are taken to the bridge.
Every day is like survival
You're my lover, not my rival
Every day is like survival
You're my lover, not my rival
This is the point in the song where I differ from nearly all interpreters. As I have stated previously, Steve is a truly unreliable narrator when relating his relationship to DEL. The reason for this is clear to me, and can be truly grasped by following the simile:
Every day is like survival
to its logical conclusion and then juxtaposing it against the plaintive cry:
You're my lover, not my rival
Is every day like survival? If you define "survival" as the arc of a human life, then yes. The ancient Greeks were aware of the concept, in which the Ages of Man were converted to times of the day in the Sphinx's great riddle.
In the beginning of the day, the Sun (Son?) rises, and begins its arc to full Physical Maturity at Noon. From this point, though the height of Emotional Maturity (the Afternoon, the brightest part of the day), in to Decline (dusk) and Death (Night). And all of this is repeated, ad infinitum, as Vanna spins the Wheel.
Steve cries desperately to get this diurnal cycle to end with words, but the words:
You're my lover, not my rival
Are not really addressed to DEL at all.
For there is, in point of fact, no DEL to cry out to. Or rather DEL is a construct, a conflation in Steve's mind of his own vivid livng soul (as he percieves it) and the mortality of his body. He is, ultimately, trying desperately to learn to love the decay inherent in his own body and life, and not compete. The lines are repeated as The Wheel turns, in the vain hope that Fortuna will hear those words and stop long enough for those twin facets of Steve's shattered psyche to join in a "Lover's Embrace."
But Dame Fortune is as deaf as she is blind, and the cycle continues. Verse follows chorus again, like the waves crashing endlessly against the rocky cliffs of endless Time.
17So, I...hope that helped, Ali.
- Fruity as in flavored like fruit, not in the sense of a slur.
- This is also not meant as a slur, but the night's playlist was, objectively speaking, super-duper gay. Although the dance music cover of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" bordered on Sincere IronyTM in its brash awfulness.
- And that's my excuse for leaving the Goonies entry so-half-assedly incomplete after so long.
- Which, when put that way, sounds oddly awesome to me. It isn't, however, when put into in practice.
- As evidenced by her baseless accusations of Slogger Self-Urination on my previous post.
- The most beloved person in the history of Laos, and the face of my Destroyer..
- I also aopolgize for the not-so-funny alt text. I'm just pleased as punch that I actually figured out how to do alt text.
- I really did break that mirror, Mom.
- Okay, I'm officially out of ways to say his name. From now on I will refer to the narrator of the song simply as "Steve."
- Hope you've been checking the footnotes as you go. The saps who haven't have no idea who Steve is. Losers.
- You may ask yourself, "Can't it be both?" Well: yes and no.
- Taken from the e-text of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight as edited by J.R.R. Tolkien and E.V. Gordon, and Revised by Norman Davis, which can be found here. The Slog provides credit where credit is due.
- Taken from a modern translation of the same by W. A. Neilson, which can be found here.
- Or "colour" as many of Our Friends In Foreign Lands Dealing With a Surplus of Vowels insist on spelling it.
- Ibid.
- This blatant untruth should be the canny reader's first clue that the nature of his-or-her own reality is suspect in this narrative. Perhaps The Slog itself is not the Dispenser of Ultimate Truth that it has to-date advertised itself.
- Well, that ended a little differently than I had originally planned it when I started this blog entry two weeks ago...
Man, this site's getting image search hits from all over the world just because I put a photo of 
