Milton, It's Not Chicago That Wants You To Choke On Your Own Tongue...

...it's ME.

According to professional whiner and overpaid bench jockey Milton Bradley:

"Two years ago, I played, and I was good," he said. "I go to Chicago, not good. I've been good my whole career. So, obviously, it was something with Chicago, not me."

He then goes on to bloviate:

"Just no communication," he said. "I never hit more than 22 homers in my career, and all of a sudden I get to Chicago and they expect me to hit 30. It doesn't make sense. History tells you I'm not going to hit that many. Just a lot of things that try to make me a player I'm not."

Yeah, well Milton, all I personally expected from you was a great OBP, some decent pop to your bat, and for you to be less of a shitsouled headcase than LaTroy Hawkins.

You let me down on all three counts, you neurotic bag of human garbage. I hope you hit worse than Aaron Miles next year and then try to accuse racist Seattle fans of running your kid out of daycare. At least OJ had a Hall of Fame Career and some Naked Gun movies under his belt before he played the race card. And that was to keep from frying like a Hendry breakfast doughnut for a double homicide, not to explain away getting paid more than the GNP of Poland to play half a season of Todd-Zeile-level baseball.

I hope when you're finally run out of the league and have to play in Japan, Matt Murton beats you death with a shovel. Seriously. How can you be so hateful that Carlos FUCKING Silva suddenly seems worth it?

This was, of course, an Exile on Clark Street archival entry.