W. Axl Rose Goes Upside1 the Slog's Head

Note: I promise to stop putting footnotes in the title after this. Even I find it annoying.

Axl, you magnificent bastard. I keep promising to release my Goonies article before you release Chinese Democracy, and what do you do?

You go and release Chinese Democracy. Hat's off to you, sir.

That's right, the long-awaited (well, long-awaited by Chuck Klosterman and like 12 other people) follow-up to the seminal The Spaghetti Incident? is finally hitting the shelves. So, I guess I will have a free Dr. Pepper after all.

In all honesty, calling this a Guns'n'Roses album is like calling "Centerfield" a Creedence Clearwater Revival song, but I'll play your game Axl. I will refrain from reviewing it as a solo debut. Yes, reviewing. For I have managed to procure a copy of this album through COMPLETELY LEGAL CHANNELS SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSES OF REVIEW.²

And, to that end I present:

THE OFFICIAL SLOG RAMBLING, HALF-ASSED REVIEW OF CHINESE DEMOCRACY!

Overview

Eh, it's not half as bad as I thought it might be. I mean if you really like the Use Your Illusion albums³, it's not altogether that bad. In fact some songs compare favorably, though others drift into the heinous territory that is "November Rain." However if you think the only 100% worthwhile contribution GnR ever made was Appetite,⁴ then it probably comes of as overwrought and overblown. Which it is.

But I do take into account the fact that Axl is, and always has been, a maximalist. If you let him, he will put in an orchestra, an industrial dance beat, a Halford scream,a piano interlude, a fretwanking solo, a vocoder, and a series of samples from movies he kinda likes. So, I didn't exactly expect this to be an album of stripped-down, AC/DC style metallic rock.

Which is a good thing not to expect, or I would have been SORELY disappointed.

Was It Worth Waiting For?

Long Answer: Did you ever know any really hardcore fans of Brian Wilson? The kind of people that would talk about his revolutionary studio approach, and deeply lament that he went all batshit and destroyed all the work he did on the legendary, unreleased Smile. And they might go on about the snippets that had been released, and how they showed the potential to be one of the defining albums of a generation?

And then do you remember how Wilson decided to finally re-record and release Smile with a group of very talented musicians and singers that came very close to replicating the sound of the Beach Boys, circa 1967. And because you were a slightly more than casual, but far from obsessive fan of the Beach Boys, you decided to buy it?

And when you listened to it, you enjoyed it, but ultimately decided it really wasn't the Beach Boys as you remembered them? And how it was very good, but really didn't hold a candle to Pet Sounds as an album or the fun and delight of the great mid-60s singles?

Short Answer: Not really.

Classic GnR?

Hardly. But it really isn't very bad, if one goes into it positively disposed towards Axl and company. It's not particularly embarassing when measured against "Get in the Ring" or "My World" or the concept of GnR covering punk songs. Or when measured against Axl's current hairstyle. Several songs (the title track, "Shackler's Revenge," and "IRS" spring to mind) are straight up rocking songs in the manner that one might expect. And that's what GnR was always best at.

Of course, there are embarassing sentimentalist drivel moments. That's always been Axl's weak spot. When he can get it to work ("Sweet Child O' Mine") it's not downright awful. But when it veers into the aforementioned "November Rain" territory (as chunks of this album threaten), I'm less amused. "Street of Dreams" has an intro that makes me think that Axl was trying to fuse Springsteen, Air Supply, and a Peter Criss solo album into one huge mishmash. Also, during the solo, I could only imagine that had Slash been a member, he would be standing on a water tower or boxcar or something in the video (if that makes sense).

Perhaps the weirdest realization I had about this album is that several songs sound like Axl trying to sound like Gold Against the Soul-era Manic Street Preachers. And considering that the Manics were still trying to rewrite Appetite For Destruction at that point, it makes for a listening experience I can only describe as "meta."⁵

The Final Verdict?

It's not a long-awaited must hear album for metal and hard rock fans. It's not classic GnR. It's also not a sad embarassment to all connected. It sounds like a competently made album of bombastic metallic music. If Axl had been constrained by an actual band, it would probably have been a lot more focused, but it might have been less charming.

I apologize for anyone expecting more mockery and random silliness in this entry. I promise that I will atone for that by eating a McRib or two this weekend.

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1. Metaphorically speaking, only. In truth, the relationship between the Slog and Mr. Rose has always been cordial.
2. And that's all I will say about that.
3. I don't particularly.
4. I do, um...particularly.
5. The reason I can only describe it this way is that I have no imagination.