Home VCR Repair - A Journey in Pictures

The setup: On Thursday night, Ali and I watched a really boring movie made in England that some people in France love, which is about as multicultural as this McRib lover ever gets. It was a requirement for one of her classes at her acting conservatory. It seems to be fairly popular, but I fell asleep twice during it. Let's just say it was no Ghostbusters and leave it at that.

Anywhoo, we actually had to dust off the VCR for this, as Ali had to borrow a copy from someone else who borrowed it from the Public Library. And on Friday morning, when Ali attempted to eject the tape, the VCR wouldn't even power up long enough to do so. I secretly suspect it was because the movie was so boring it put the machine into a coma, but I'm no expert.

Well, Ali was all disturbed, because she is both:

1. A decent person who hates to let a friend down by not returning something she borrowed,
2. A cheap person that doesn't want to give a red cent to no damn liberry,

...I actually had something like this happen about twelve years ago, and successfully disassembled the machine to remove the tape, so I turned all Alpha Male and said "Don't worry your pretty little head, honey. I'll fix it after work." Okay, I didn't literally say that, but I'm sure I wasn't much less condescending.

I got about as far as removing the top and faceplate before realizing this was going to be a longer journey than I remembered. So I decided to record it for posterity, so Ali could bask in my victory when she got home from work.

This is the project: remove Secrets & Lies from its Outdated Media Playing Prison.

This is The Only Tool I'll Need (note stoic determination):

To work!

Current collection of screws removed:

And how much has changed? Not enough to take a new picture, that's for damn sure:

Oh! Here! A screw I missed! That should speed things along.

Don't fuck with me, screws. This fucker's magnetized.

Net change after that dramatic removal:

WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!?!?!

Okay...Okay...Calm down, Wolter. You just need to come at this from another angle. Maybe you need more than a screwdriver after all. You need an all-purpose Solution To Life's Problems...but what could that be...?

Hmmm.

Oh yeah!

How silly of me not to consult Dr. Scotch.

What's that, Dr. Scotch? You want me to take that screw out? Ok.

Well that accomplished...nothing.

I can't stay mad at you, Scotch. Let's check on our progress.

Screws removed?

Okay...let me try a few more.

Good. Something came off. That's satisfying. Just wish I knew what it was for. Oh well. Onwards and upwards...

Oh crap, the tape is still wound around the head. Fantastic.

This requires some deep thought.

And a consultation...

Okay, I just need to ease that little piece slightly over to return the tape to the hou--

GODDAMMIT!

It took surprisingly little pressure to snap this little guy off.

Time to regroup. What the hell do I do now? I kind of suspect that piece is necessary for the continued operation of this particular device. I suppose I should meditate on my options.

Oh, that's right!

BRUTE FORCE!

Won't be needing this!

Or this!

Thanks for the assist, Dr. Scotch. This is a breakthrough moment, and should be savored.

Okay...easy...easy...

And...

Gloria! In Excelsis Barbaria!

Hosanna in Excelsis!

Final score: Wolter 1, VCR 0

Unfortunately, it was a Pyrrhic victory, as Dr. Scotch was a casualty of war. But he will be remembered for his bravery, his sagacity, and his smooth finish.

The final outcome:

If anyone needs me to repair any other electronic devices, I am available. As is my new assistant, Nurse Bourbon.